Thursday, August 13, 2015

Save me from myself



Coming home from Bible college has had its ups and downs.

Ups?
A fridge full of food, a laundry machine that is decidedly not coin operated, a purple room all to myself, my sweet parents, peaceful, still mornings & my bed, among other things.

Downs?
Selfishness.

[C O N T E X T]

Every Wednesday night during camp season, we have Campfire Night. Campfire Night is {weather permitting} an evening of worship under the stars, where campers & staff alike sing songs of praise to the Lord, listen to student testimonies of God's faithfulness, and hear a brief Bible message.

Afterwards, campers are invited to throw a stick in the fire, symbolizing either their decision to trust Christ as Savior, or their commitment to re-dedicate their lives to Him. It was at one such campfire service four summers back that God broke down my heart and urged me to dedicate my entire life to Him. These campfire services are incredible times of heart change where the staff usually sees God work the most. In short, they are what camp is all about.

Flash forward to Week 8 of camp. During the very last Campfire Night of the summer, I felt God burdening my heart about something that needed to change in my life. Yet I was reluctant, even anxious to give it up. And that something was...selfishness.

During my past two summers at Word of Life camp [6 summers total: 4 as a camper; 2 as staff], God has been specifically convicting me about the sheer amount of selfishness I have in my life. And even though I responded to the Lord that night by throwing my stick in the fire {albeit reluctantly, at the last possible moment}, I am still a super selfish person. I struggle with putting myself first every moment.

To be blatant, Erin Marie is a very self-centered person. She is prideful, constantly obsessing over her looks and body image, and thinking about her future husband or just guys in general, or clothes, and what people think of her. At least that has been the struggle these past few days: leaving camp, and failing to fight, in His strength, all the insecure, selfish, prideful heart issues that first began to fester here at home.

I was going to write this blog post in the morning, but nah. I'm coming to God with it tonight, asking Him to mold me into someone selfless, someone new. Someone who serves others without thinking of themselves.

My new manifesto:

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me -- the task of testifying to the Gospel of God's grace." ~ Acts 20:24

For the musical version of this post, click here. Kudos to you, Jon Foreman.

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Go with grace.