Tuesday, May 5, 2015

an open letter

Dear God, 

I've been struggling.
My focus has been way off. All I can think of is how close I am to finishing Bible college. Each day brings me twenty-four hours closer to my bedroom and familiar home, where conviction and constant communication with Christian friends is no longer present. I'm longing for these things, and yet, I still desire to enjoy the moment I'm in. I want to savor it. I want to say that I burned bright these last three weeks of school. I don't want to give up, check out, complain. I want to be a new person entirely, someone strong and usable. But I haven't really felt Your presence in a while, and even when You blow my mind, I'm calloused and indifferent to it. I write this in hopes that I will somehow encourage someone else, and that You would renew my joy and spirit. I've been focused on the lesser things of this life and haven't been a very nice person. Paint upon me, for I am but a blank canvas.


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Go with grace.